Is There Such Thing As Unconditional Love
The idea of unconditional love, in which one is loved as they are, is very appealing. It seems that people are more attracted to be loved this way than they want someone else “unconditionally”. Therefore, one should ask what is unconditional love and whether it is possible at all. For an infidelity affairs counselling toronto click here and find out more about us.
Feeling one person’s love for the other is the result of an emotional attachment that happened due to the fact that the first person rated the other person very positively as a human being. The person he/ she loves feels he/ she likes them because he/ she has previously estimated that another person has successfully met certain criteria. Therefore, fulfilling given criteria is a condition for the appearance of love. As it is for the appearance of any kind of love, then it is clear that there is no point in talking about unconditional love.
If love really was unconditional, then it would be impossible to stop loving someone. Then the other person would always be loved, no matter what he/ she did or did not do, regardless of what it would be. We know that in reality this is not the case: people stop loving when they judge that others no longer meet their important criteria. If the other person does something for which the person who loved him/ her changes the idea of him/ her from very positive to very negative then it is possible not only to stop loving them but to replace it with contempt or hatred.
Many stress that unconditional love is possible because they so love their own child. But precisely in this “proof” is a hidden condition: they love their own, not someone else’s, a strange child.
A romantic expectation of a person to find the right partner who will love them unconditionally is the sure way to disappoint. Regardless of whether it is a fantasy of a spoiled child who expects to find someone who will love them in the adulthood in the same way as Mom and Dad did, or is it a fantasy of a neglected child who believes he/ she has the right to receive the love in the adult age he/ she did not get in childhood, it is unrealistic. Since there is a big difference between parental love and partner love, no partner will be able to replace or compensate for parental love.
The biggest problem with the requirement to be unconditionally loved are those who do not differ from themselves on their actions, so they feel that anyone who sincerely loves them must accept their every action or desire. They perceive every criticism, indignation, or contrary desire as a negation that the partner unconditionally loves them, for which they protest, relying on the “conditioning” attempt.
The concept of “unconditional love” was a useful theory of that kind of emotional blackmail when one person blackmails another person or child: “I will love you if you do it and if you do not, I will not love you”, but as insufficiently defined created a new type of insurmountable love expectations, and therefore problems in love relationships.
